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The task for the second round was to take an entry from Round 1 (not your own) and incorporate it into a short story of no more than 125 words. This was not an easy task, and I did ponder over which entry to choose from the 100-odd sentences of Round 1. My selection was number 105 – Lunch Break, by Kristine Lynn.
My entry received 1 vote from the public (thank you!), plus a point from each of the five judges. Combined, my overall ranking was joint 36th place out of 39. So luckily for me, I scraped through Round 2 to enter Round 3. 🙂
I was perhaps not overly imaginative in setting my story as a bit of office fun, but my reasoning for doing so was to end the story with the sentence from Lunch Break (in italics below), to leave the reader with a bit of a cliff-hanger:
Amy’s Board Room Reward
The morning’s meeting ended. For once, it had been worthwhile thought Amy. Her manager, Martin was visibly pleased with head office’s feedback. He covertly winked at her as she returned to her desk. Merely 30 minutes passed before His message popped on her screen; “please see me in the board room; usual time.” Saving her work, Amy checked her colleagues were preoccupied. Satisfied, she walked briskly to the board room. The clock struck 12:30 pm as she entered, finding Him waiting.
“Good girl; I want to reward you. Sit. Remove your panties.”Amy enthusiastically complied, spreading her legs as he knelt before her. Martin’s hands wrapped tight around her wrists, warmth flooding her fleshy folds as the tip of his tongue teased, tempted, tore her open.
The feedback I received from May More was that the story drew her in immediately, and she enjoyed the “office porn.” She did mention that the set out of the first paragraph could have been better. I agree with this. Brigit Delaney’s feedback was “I get a sense of the connection between these characters, and a bit of plot set-up…but what did she do to be rewarded?”
In answer to the million-dollar question, with hindsight, she could have been rewarded for her work performance, though that was not necessarily my intention. The context of the story is that Amy and Martin are involved in a D/s relationship, which they’ve been involved in whilst at work, and unbeknown to their colleagues. My writing may have set it more as a scene than a stand-alone story. I have learnt from this voting round that there needs to be more conflict, climax and a resolution to make a story rather than just a scene.
Some other feedback I received was from an anonymous comment, “I love this one a LOT. It has great character development, scene-setting, storytelling all in a short amount of words. I love the last line. Well done.”
Marie also commented, to say, ” When using thoughts in writing, it’s better to put the actual thoughts in italics. What happened now is that I had to read the second sentence more than once to understand it. A comma after ‘worthwhile’ would’ve worked too. For the rest, this can work as a standalone story.”
It’s really helpful to have feedback such as this, because as Marie says, when you are writing a story that attempts to incorporate what another writer has written, you want to make sure the transition is seamless, and that the reader feels the writing styles blend well.
The assignment for Round 3 has been set. Us writers have until the 25th March to work on our entries, then we will enter the voting round from 29th March until the 3rd April.
Please do check out some of my other short stories by scrolling through my erotic fiction archives.
See what other writers are doing in this year’s Smut Marathon, by clicking the badge.
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Thanks for stopping by, and feel free to re-visit anytime 🙂
I really love reading how you came to write your piece, and what you have learned from the feedback. Thank you so much for doing these posts.
Rebel xox
It’s been challenging so far hasn’t it? And I struggled with this one, I felt like I needed more words to make a good story, but of course there were some who did manage it.
I wish you lots of luck in the next round.
Sweetgirl (S G Bound)
Thank you both for your comments. It’s definitely a craft learning how to cut out the unnecessary words! I’m enjoying the challenge so far and hope you are too S G! All the best in Round 3 🙂
Long time reader, first time commenter — so, thought
I’d drop a comment.. — and at the same time ask for a favor.
Your wordpress site is very simplistic – hope you don’t mind me asking what theme
you’re using? (and don’t mind if I steal it? :P)
I just launched my small businesses site –also built in wordpress like yours– but the theme slows (!) the site down quite
a bit.
In case you have a minute, you can find it by searching for “royal cbd” on Google (would appreciate
any feedback)
Keep up the good work– and take care of yourself
during the coronavirus scare!
~Justin
Hi Justin,
Please excuse the delay replying to your comment; it had ended up in the spam folder.
Thanks for reading my posts, and I hope you’ll continue to return 🙂
In answer to your query, I use the Sahifa theme from Envato Market. I paid for it, but I like the ‘magazine’ style layout, so it’s been a worthwhile investment.
Another factor that might help with speed is that I use a plug-in called Hummingbird.
I will take a look at your site for sure!
Best of luck with the new business, and hope you stay healthy in the coming months.
Luv Bunny x
Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article.
I’ll be sure to bookmark it and come back to read
more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I will definitely comeback.
Thank you for your compliment, it means a lot. 🙂
I am always pleasantly surprised how you know how to do it. i mean write
Thank you 💜